Thursday, January 31, 2013

Grapefruits of Wrath


A Year Goes By Like Nothing
I was checking some old shipping notices yesterday and realized that, according to my roundabout record keeping, my Sram chain and cassette have a little over two years and five thousand miles on them. I have been noticing a kind of slipping in the drive train lately and when I lubed the chain the other day I noticed that the links are not seating properly in the chain ring. This has caused a kind of ghost-shifting, or slipping, anytime I put extra torque on the pedals. This of course usually happens when I am busting a move: as in dodging a bus that I thought I could easily beat across a crowded intersection, only to catch a demonic gleam in the driver's eye that spells certain doom.  When I crank  down hard on the cranks and exert all the power of my mighty thighs into one desperate effort to escape, I get a 'clunk' out of the drive train that may be the chain coming off (death) or an unexpected shift into a random gear (life, at least until next time).

Five thousand miles isn't much for two whole years, I realize, but it is enough, perhaps, to warrant a new chain and cassette (and big chainring, if possible). Who knows where the money will come from but as I am fond of reminding my imaginary car driving friends, compared to an automobile, the drive train on a bicycle is cheap.

Your car driving friends wouldn't be so imaginary if you would quit bragging about how much better bicycles are than cars.

“I know, Voice, but I am a man on a mission.”

Tires and Chains, Miles and Buses
Whatever the case, I am more unemployed than ever and thus riding more than ever and as January draws to a close, there are a little over five hundred miles beneath the wheels and it shows. The Kenda Kwest 35mm tires I put on back in September of last year are a little worn, but supple and worthy after 1500 miles or so: but I think the next pair will be something else. I am not yet sure what...but they will continue to be the fattest I can fit. The extra amount of squish I get from these larger tires makes a big difference on the long ride and while I think maybe I am a little slower because of the tires, I don't care. When I hit some rough stuff I can feel the squish go to work and I like it.

Tires and chains and buses, demonic drivers and life and death scenarios; these are the minutiae of my life of leisure. But hardly interesting. The good stuff is what happens on the rides. Not much lately, other than maybe getting shot at when I was stealing grapefruit the other day. There is a house that I know about and long admired for its fruit trees. It sits on one of the far reaches of my favorite ride and as I passed by recently I saw that it was abandoned. Not just abandoned but boarded up as though the most recent tenant had been less than careful on his way out and maybe trashed the place. Also gone was his collection of old appliances and the car-on-blocks in the side yard. But the tangerine trees and the orange trees and in particular the big grapefruit tree, the one not far off the road, were in full and inviting bloom and I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming desire for citrus.

Temptation In the Garden
This is Florida, and around here citrus is the cash crop. Well, one of them; I have acquaintances who grow a different cash crop but that is not today's subject, today is about citrus and the powerful yearning one can attain for a rush of vitamin C when deep into a thirty mile bicycle ride and suddenly confronted with poor abandoned fruit trees, their fragile boughs straining under a heavy load (grapefruits at the grocery store are about a dollar each) and here were hundreds begging to be safely stashed into my Goodwill messenger bag. I paused, there, looking around for someone to ask about picking one or two or so but there was no one about. Then I decided to err on the side of reason and pedaled off. Then I turned around and pedaled back. There are almost no cars on this stretch of country lane and very few houses.

“What do you think, Voice?” I asked.

Well, you might as well go ahead and grab a couple, since you could hardly look more suspicious than you already do, riding back and forth like this and staring around like a felon on the lam.

“Okay!” With one last look over my shoulder I coasted into the yard. At that exact instant far away, so far away I could barely hear, a man's voice shouted something unintelligible. I couldn't understand the shout, and it was so far away that it was hard to believe it was directed at me. But it didn't sound friendly. I was pretty sure it wasn't yelling 'Help Yourself'. It sounded so far off that I figured he would have to be watching me through binoculars.

Or a high powered scope, yelled the Voice. Run! When the Voice yells run, you run.

“But Voice, I'm on my bike! Do you mean 'run' as in leave the bike, or do you mean...”

Get out of here!

Here There Be Hellions
I push back up the slight grade of the drive, then turn and pedal away. I try to do so with dignity but I am pretty interested in leaving. I put a power stroke into the getaway, only to hear (and feel) that 'clunk' as the chain skips (but mercifully does not come off) and soon I am hitting a good lick back towards the highway and what passes for civilization in these parts. I really better think about a new chain. As I made my way on down the road, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I had gone ahead and plucked a grapefruit. But this little section of Old Florida backroad is renowned for its 'hellions', as the Blonde calls them. And it is the location of some of those other cash crops I was mentioning. So discretion is, in these parts, a sound policy. But I sure wanted some of those grapefruits.

Maybe after dark...

Whispering Pines Trailer Park and Packing Plant
#102

22 comments:

  1. TJ,

    Man, I LOVE grapefruits. I would have been just as tempted as you.

    This one trail system we ride is on a PA state game lands property, and gets very little traffic. Me and my brother were out riding the trails early last summer and stopped at a clearing in the woods to take a break. This clearing seemed to stretch for a little ways, going out of sight by wrapping around the hill. So we explored a little and walked on around the hill and took a rest. After a minute we realized that the small tree growing on the edge of the clearing was a peach tree, and that it was covered with small, green peaches. We made a mental note to head back in the fall and take advantage of nature's bounty.

    I thought about that peach tree a dozen times over the summer, imagining how great it would be to take a break and munch on some fresh peaches. We managed to get another trip back in September, and rode the same trail, and even managed to find the same clearing. We headed around the hillside, ready to feast on sun-warmed peaches. Unfortunately, being wild and untended, the peaches were hard, malformed and generally a 100% disappointment. But they weren't nasty enough to keep the bears away, as the piles of bear poop laden with peach pits testified to. Moral of the story - 'don't county your peaches before they're picked', or maybe 'you'd be better off as a bear.'

    Keep on riding brother.

    Steve Z

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    Replies
    1. As a kid in Indiana my friends and I would spend many an idyllic Hoosier-boy afternoon lounging in one fruit tree or another, reclining in the branches and devouring cherries or apples or peaches like so many little apes.

      It is the picking of the fruit that keeps each crop sweet, and when I went by that place yesterday those trees are still laden and hundreds of dollars in fruit going to waste, and setting up next year's batch for failure.

      That's a shame, but not worth a messy confrontation. I guess.

      Thanks, Steve!

      tj

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  2. I occasionally ride thru orange orchards and even strawberries...the smell wreaks havoc w/ my stomach as the tapework CRAVES them...but I'm also too chicken to stop and sample the (free?) goods...even the ones that fall on the ground. But that doesn't mean I don't think about it every time!

    And hey...in case you haven't seen these, I've been using KMC chains for a couple years now (they were recommended by one of my LBS's). They're CHEAP, yet work just as well and last just as long as the high end Shimano/Campy/Wippermans I've used in the past. Plus I LOVE their removable link (KMC's version is called "the Missing Link"..I always carry an extra one w/ my tools and it's saved me a few times now. Don't bother w/ the fancy hollow pin or gold models, just get the cheapest one that matches your gearing (10spd, 9spd, 8/7/6 spds) and hammer away the miles.

    As for cassettes, I've been running Miche's...they're all steel (ie: heavy) but reasonably cheap, and last a LONG time. AND I love the fact that they're individual cogs w/ spacers...when it comes time to clean, it's easy-peasy...wiping them down cog by cog, not the stupid assy's w/ 2 to 4 gears riveted together. They make em for Campy and Shimano/SRAM.

    And you can build any cluster-combo you want (if you want something they don't sell as a whole unit) as they also sell the individual cogs (look on ebay and amazon.com, my two sources for both the chains and cassettes/cogs).

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  3. uhm, that was "tapeworm", not "tapework"...(that doesn't make sense).

    Also, I think it's your CIVIC DUTY to go clean those fruit trees, thus preserving next years crop (and think of the mess when all that fruit goes to ground...ga-ZILLIONS of fruit flies!) You need to look at the big picture here!

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    Replies
    1. Matt! Thanks so much, man! I was aware of those KMC chains and might not have thought about them if you had not reminded me. Sold! But even though I have heard of Miche, I am unfamiliar with them, until now. Sold! Weight means very little to me while longevity and reliability means everything.
      The ability to disassemble for cleaning is one of those "no duh" things the manufacturers like to overlook. Plus, on my seven speed cassette, the middle three cogs are worn a LOT more than the outer rings, a reflection of my lackadaisical riding style and the flat nature of Florida. It would be great to order those three rings ahead and have them as spares.

      I figured out the tapeworm thing, but as a government employeee I thought maybe you were slipping into some kind of inter-office vernacular...

      I hope the puppy is doing all right. I have been following Inane Asylum with every entry and I look forward to getting the season's racing news from your site and your reader's imput.

      Thanks again!

      tj (oh, I looked up the owner of that property on the tax rolls and I am going to call and ask for permission to pick it clean and spread it around to whoever wants some. I'll be writing about it, if he says yes.)

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  4. Maybe it was the local head of the Fruit-Pickers union yelling at you as you looked ready to cross union line with unauthorized picking.
    Wow! Baskets of fresh Florida grapefruits to be had.....You will be Santa for a few days!
    Jim

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  5. Not just grapefruits, Jim: oranges and tangerines, too. Tangerines were a rare delicacy in my Hoosier-boy days.

    tj

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  6. You remind me of a story TJ...In much younger days before I switched from fossil-fuel to pedal-power for my dirt bikes, I was intercepted along a forest trail one summer day by a large and unpleasant citizen carrying an equally large and unpleasant rifle.

    He strongly suggested a quick reversal back the way I came and advised sternly that I never come that way again. I was only too happy to twist the wrist in the opposite direction while half expecting a bullet between the shoulder blades before I hit third. That was before meth was even a dream in a chemists eye so I have to assume there was some less-than-legit farming operations back there in the hills and the big dude with the 30 aught 6 was the gatekeeper. Hellions indeed.

    I never went that way again but still remember to keep my wits about me out in the back country where the smell of cooking sometimes has nothing to do with bacon and eggs and the family garden you stumble on might not be growing anything you can sell in the open at the farmer's market.

    Get a chain my friend...you never know when you'll need that quick escape. And besides, when it skips and you straddle down on the top tube with all ya got...well, you'll forget about the grapefruit.

    Send some sunshine up here will ya?

    WW

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    Replies
    1. I wish I could, Harold. I'm not having any luck getting ahold of the owner so the whole thing will probably just blow over.

      Where I live the country is chock full of miscreants and varmints. When the State instituted some strict gill-netting laws the little hometown fishing industry was wiped out overnight (instead of gradually by over-fishing)and most of those guys were already up to no good and just upped their game. Some of them are step-kin of mine and good enough if you know them, but highly uninterested in rolling out the welcome mat for strangers.

      tj

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  7. Any good Jesus Lovin' Orchard Farmer will tell you it is their responsibility, yea obligation, to leave a ten percent share on the tree (or vine) to sate those of us in our need (or desire). We are not thieves, sir. No, I tell you we are living as the Good Book hath instructed.

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    Replies
    1. I'll run that one by him if he returns my call, KAZ. Meanwhile, the Blonde has expressed a strong interest in relocating to that very property if a For Rent sign pops up there, so who knows? I might once again be a member of the landed gentry and Comstock Groves will be able to harvest and ship some sonshine once in awhile. It is two acres...

      tj

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  8. Damn!! I don`t like fruit that much. LOL I grew up in Metro Detroit and never got shot at until I moved out here. They eventually caught the guy shooting at school buses. Hey is that SRAM a Cassette or a Freewheel? And how many speeds? I might have one laying around you can use.

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    1. Sorry my friend, My search for a seven speed Sram/Shimano cassette has turned up nothing.

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  9. It is a SRAM cassette, Hugh. I appreciate your generosity, but I always hate for anyone (Ryan) to send stuff where the shipping almost equals the price of the part, effectively doubling cost and making it just as easy to spend a couple bucks at the LBS. But, yeah, that cassette is a SRAM 12/34 (I think) with the big cog that, even though it is a pretty big jump from the cog next to it, works super-smooth with friction shifting and negates the need for the small ring up front, at least around here.

    tj

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  10. Hy Tj
    I have an 11-30 SRAM cassette. It is an 8 speed and unlike a freewheel it will only replace an eight speed cassette. If you have an 8 speed cassette it will work. If you want it, just let me know and I will send it along.

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    1. I am currently running a seven speed. Are you saying the eight is overall "thicker" than the seven? The seven speed is definitely filling the O.L.D. available.

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    2. Yeah that is how I ended up with this one. The 8 speed is just too wide or thick. I`ll dig around the shop/garage tomorrow and see if I have a good 7 speed SRAM or Shimano cassette.

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  11. Now you have me thinking that I may have to get out and plant some fruit trees along the river. We have plentiful free mangoes and tamarinds, why not slip in some oranges, lemons etc. in the gaps left by recent cyclones?

    As a kid it was just a given that you could filch a few apples and some corn from the fields. You just took a few for a feed. I never even considered it as theft. Imagine if every parking lot in Florida was rimmed with citrus trees. Why not?

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    1. Why not indeed, Dee. Just around the corner from where I sit is a fifty acre wooded area that was prepped for a big apartment complex that didn't happen. It is studded with all manner of fruit trees and hundred year old oaks and a handful of homeless set up camp there, only to be run out by authorities. One of the homeless guys got in touch with the owner of the property who said he didn't care, go ahead and camp there, but keep it picked up.

      City Hall disagreed, citing zoning and vagrancy laws and so on. I don't know, man. Sometimes I feel like throwing molotovs. But I'm old and tired and revolution might interfere with my bicycle riding or my nap time. But one of these days...

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  12. We have a similar issue here with vagrants living rough, and I just cannot understand why we can't put some 'national park' type facilities (cleared area, fire pit, central toilet and shower) around the city and let them camp. Yes there will be drunkenness and violence, but the area will be known, maybe patrolled, and meals on wheels could roll up once a day. FFS it isn't that hard.

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