Everything On the Other Side Of This Card Is A LieAs many of you are aware, I am a Wizard of Time and Space. Armed as I am with the abilities of Wizardness, I am able to go hither and yon on quests of unfathomable yearning and far reaching importance doing stuff that neither you nor I can fathom. On just such a quest of which I was hitherto unaware of until just now when I thought it up: I Rode Some Miles.
I’m In the Country.Yeah, Baby. Out where the breathin’ air is sweet. I’m hittin’ a lick on this old abandoned orange grove road that has long been my dream trail and I once pedaled this route two or three times a week but for some reason or another having to do with the Wizard Union and miles and regulations and Trailer Park Fix It and just damned old age and laziness, it seems that these days I only ride it once or twice a month.
But I rode it today and unless the Lords of Blog deign to interfere you will now hear about it.
First: There Were EaglesJust a couple days ago I was spreading my wisdom over at this Aussie Blog about how Once There Were Eagles in Old Hawks Park but now there ain’t but there are still Hawks but then, in true Wizardly Fashion, I somehow and magically summoned up a mating pair of the real thing on the first leg of my long ride and there they were, ignoring me in that haughty way that eagles have but doing Eagle Stuff nonetheless. Whatever it was probably had more to do with procreation than patriotism but it is both sad and noble that the Symbol of our (Once?) proud nation is a rare sight.
And Then Came the WorkAfter that I mostly breathed hard a lot and wondered what the hell was wrong with my powerful legs and bottomless lungs. This is Florida and while the winters can be harsh and the temperature can often drop as low as 55 degrees I still cannot get a grip on This My New Weariness. But I was strong enough at this point and still enjoying the ride and I looked at my Schwinn Approved speedo’meter and was impressed to see that I was streaking along at sixteen miles per hour and that I had already covered eighteen miles and that was very reassuring; I knew that at twenty miles there would be a beer store and besides, in the time it took to type this there it was. I could see the Beer Store and there was just a moment’s doubt, but then I knew: this would not be the day I chose Gatorade over Budweiser. [KA-CHING. (Sound of Cash Register)]
Whatever...I Like BeerI took my two 16 OZ cans of Busch [ka-ching] and stuffed them into my Goodwill messenger bag. I shifted down into an easy gear that would have made me feel guilty back when I was cool but now that I am a fat lazy drunk-ass bastard who drinks cheap-ass beer what the hell? If I wasn’t wearing charity bib shorts by Bontrager [ka-ching] the folks in their rusty pick-up trucks trying to run me off the side of Old US One would be getting a pretty gnarly shot of plumber’s crack right about now and I haven’t even drank (drunk; dranken, partook of;) those beers yet.
And So...The cool thing about being a Wizard of Space and Time is that it always works out. Within minutes I am sitting at an old worn-out park bench on the side of the vast and enigmatic Mosquito Lagoon. This is an ancient place and it really is; there are ghosts here and I am a ghost and these warm beers are just right; the cool thing about Space and Time is that they are Relative [ka-ching] and all of this and none of this is real but yeah, today I had this moment of Happy Mystery and Wonder and Riding My Bicycle and now you have too. Raise a glass my friends for the sorta-long ride of dreams and eagles, manatees and mysteries.
Thirty miles is just right.
Whispering Pines Trailer Park and Dream Factory