Thursday, April 5, 2012

Time and Space

Everything On the Other Side Of This Card Is A Lie
As many of you are aware, I am a Wizard of Time and Space.  Armed as I am with the abilities of Wizardness, I am able to go hither and yon on quests of unfathomable yearning and far reaching importance doing stuff that neither you nor I can fathom.  On just such a quest of which I was hitherto unaware of until just now when I thought it up:  I Rode Some Miles.

I’m In the Country.
Yeah, Baby.  Out where the breathin’ air is sweet.  I’m hittin’ a lick on this old abandoned orange grove road that has long been my dream trail and I once pedaled this route two or three times a week but for some reason or another having to do with the Wizard Union  and miles and regulations and Trailer Park Fix It and just damned old age and laziness,  it seems that these days I only ride it once or twice a month.

But I rode it today and unless the Lords of Blog deign to interfere you will now hear about it.

First:  There Were Eagles
Just a couple days ago I was spreading my wisdom over at this Aussie Blog about how Once There Were Eagles in Old Hawks Park but now there ain’t  but there are still Hawks but then,  in true Wizardly Fashion, I somehow and magically summoned up a mating pair of the real thing on the first leg of my long ride and there they were,  ignoring me in that haughty way that eagles have but doing Eagle Stuff nonetheless.  Whatever it was probably had more to do with procreation than patriotism but it is both sad and noble that the Symbol of our (Once?) proud nation is a rare sight.

And Then Came the Work
After that I mostly breathed hard a lot and wondered what the hell was wrong with my powerful legs and bottomless lungs.  This is Florida and while the winters can be harsh and the temperature can often drop as low as 55 degrees I still cannot get a grip on This My New Weariness.  But I was strong enough at this point and still enjoying the ride and I looked at my Schwinn Approved speedo’meter and was impressed to see that I was streaking along at sixteen miles per hour and that I had already covered eighteen miles and that was very reassuring;  I knew that at twenty miles there would be a beer store and besides, in the time it took to type this there it was.  I could see the Beer Store and there was just a moment’s doubt,  but then I knew: this would not be the day I chose Gatorade over Budweiser. [KA-CHING.  (Sound of Cash Register)]

Whatever...I Like Beer
I took my two 16 OZ cans of Busch [ka-ching] and stuffed them into my Goodwill messenger bag.  I shifted down into an easy gear that would have made me feel guilty back when I was cool but now that I am a fat lazy drunk-ass bastard who drinks cheap-ass beer what the hell?  If I wasn’t wearing charity bib shorts by Bontrager [ka-ching] the folks in their rusty pick-up trucks trying to run me off the side of Old US One would be getting a pretty gnarly shot of plumber’s crack right about now and I haven’t even drank  (drunk; dranken, partook of;) those beers yet.

And So...
 The cool thing about being a Wizard of Space and Time is that it always works out.  Within minutes I am sitting at an old  worn-out  park bench on the side of the vast and enigmatic Mosquito Lagoon.  This is an ancient place and it really is; there are ghosts here and I am a ghost and these warm beers are just right;  the cool thing about Space and Time is that they are Relative [ka-ching] and all of this and none of this is real but yeah, today I had this moment of Happy Mystery and Wonder and Riding My Bicycle and now you have too.  Raise a glass my friends for the sorta-long ride of dreams and eagles, manatees and mysteries.

Thirty miles is just right.

Whispering Pines Trailer Park and Dream Factory
#59

20 comments:

  1. The thing I love most about cycling is being lost in space and time. People always ask how long my rides take, and I have no idea. Now I use a GPS I can look it up, but why bother. The whole point is going deep into a happy place (and yes, there is suffering there too) and arriving too soon at the end.

    So excited you have eagles again.

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    1. Thanks Dee. I am at the tail end of a week long spell but it seems to be working out better than I had hoped.

      tj

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  2. TJ,

    Glad you got some quality time in the saddle. Seems to put things in perspective for me. Those ghosts will still be there in a hundred years. Maybe you'll get lucky and be one of them.

    Endeavor to perservere.

    Steve Z

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    1. Steve thanks for sticking with me. Rocky trails lately but we know what to do with rocky trails, do we not?

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  3. Good ride TJ.
    I went a few months last year without the bike computer on my bike. Made the riding more fun. You notice things like eagles and what they are up to instead of how far,how fast stuff.
    Hey check out a journal on CGOAB by a dude named John Byrne as he stumbles around Thailand and Cambodia. He is an anti-hero doing the anti-touring thing. You would enjoy his story.
    Jim

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    1. I will do that Jim, Crazy Guy is my main source of vicarious adventure and I have been looking for someone to follow. Thanks!

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  4. Let me tell you a story about another Wizard sometime...

    You and I just might be brothers by another mother.

    30 degrees and windy as hell in NY today man...I could sure use a place called Mosquito Lagoon about now. Have a cool one for me!

    Wayward

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    1. Wayward, our ride together is inevitable but for now we ride together here in the Other World. Thanks for always standing by and when I get it figured out there I will be. Tail Winds.

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  5. Ever read Slaughterhouse Five, Tim Joe? I'm a 48-year-old man and I just started it last week. Somehow, I think it's a book you'd enjoy. I wish I'd been required to read it sooner.

    Keep on writing.

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    1. Berry, Kurt Vonnegut is the reason I am the way I am. Him and Tom Robbins. Welcome to our Granfaloon.

      tj

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    2. Explains a lot. How do you feel about Tim Dorsey?

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    3. Oh, when I first met Serge I could not get enough. I even went to a TD book signing. But sadly, after five or six books, they started blending together and when the newest came out, I didn't bother.

      I'm glad for Tim's success, though. Plus I lived in the Tampa area for a few years and I share Serge's fascination with Florida history. I have been to all of the locations he mentions in his stories and a few that he hasn't been to, yet.

      I will say that Tim Dorsey and Bike Snob are maybe the only two writers that have made me laugh out loud while reading.

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  6. Wow Berry, you are in for an extended fun ride. Once you read one of Vonnegut's books you will be checking them all out at the library!

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    1. Someday dig up a copy of "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up Too Me."

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  7. TJ glad you got some time in the Le Tour, sometimes on my bike I am transported back to being a 12 year-old riding in the Cul-de-sac but I don't think I have earned my Wizard hat yet -I can't seem to get my Miyata Road bike to wheelie!

    Keeping on riding those trails and seeing all the cool stuff Velo Brother.

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  8. Ryan: a couple weeks ago I was out for a Sunrise Float and drinking Breakfast Mimosas with George and Johnny and breathing deep of the gathering gloom and then like a vision from a way I'll never be a guy came flashing through the intersection one block ahead doing not a wheelie but some kind of fast front wheel elevated blast through the four-way like Spiderman on a Bicycle.

    I put the hammer down and rounded that corner pretty dang fast myself but he was gone...a lean mean kid on an old steel ten speed doing a sunrise dance of joy and pedaling that made me want to be a better man and faster and maybe even be a ball donor to Lance if that would somehow enable me to one day clear an intersection like that.

    I am on the lookout for that Bike Ninja and if I ever succeed in catching him all of you will damn sure hear about it.

    tj

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    1. maybe it was this kid..

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5z1fSpZNXhU

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    2. That was pretty awesome. You should put it up over at DC.

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  9. I would have commented sooner, but I was off-the-grid over Easter. We made the "in-laws trip" over Easter in Pittsburgh. But...there was a highlight. TWICE I caught 30 miles on the Montour Trail which is a cinders rails-to-trails project. I took my old steel single speed and just pounded it out. It was a lot colder then The South, but I cranked warm blood out to my fingertips. Almost bliss. If only they had a Beer Store at the 15 mile turn...

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    1. You have In-Laws? Somehow I was under the impression that Denine dropped in straight from Heaven. Go figure.

      Pittsburgh is a secretly cool place. Surrounded by magical forest. As for your No-Beer-On the Trail problem, rest easy. The recent downturn in my Gator Sauce Empire has had the serendipitious result in my stumbling across a centuries old formula for a Beer Powder that can be added to water, shaken not stirred and there ya go. Stay tuned.

      Happy Easter, My friend.

      tj

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