Thursday, June 7, 2012

Shakespeare Was A Monkey's Uncle

It has been said that given enough time, a gang of monkeys could type out the works of Shakespeare. How long that would take is hard to say, but I am troubled by wondering if that very experiment is not taking place in a secure laboratory somewhere, probably in Nevada. Chimpanzees in Nevada is a disturbing enough thought, but what I am wondering is if this experiment (started in the fifties) when typewriters were the only writing machines available, what happened when they switched over to word processors? And now, since this is an exceedingly long-running experiment, what are those monkeys typing on? Do they have internet access?

To Steam Or Not To Steam
Let's fire up the Quasitron 6000 Steam Powered Search Engine and find out.

There isn't any coal or firewood. Uncle Bill took it.

“Voice! Where ya been, buddy?! It's been quiet around here. I missed you!”

France. And the news is that it has been anything BUT quiet around here.

“Aw, Voice, I meant quiet by my standards. Anyway, I need to fire up the ol' Quaz and get to the bottom of this typing monkey question. My readers are thirsty for knowledge and it's up to me to give it to them.”

Oh, you give it to them, alright.

“Har Har, you funny. Bust up that last chair and get it in the firebox and let's do us a Wisdom Search!”

Voices don't bust up chairs.

“Then what are they good for? Alright, I'll do it myself. Where is it? Wait, don't tell me...oh, yeah.”

Throw Another Chair On the Fire
The last combustible chair had gone to the Great Spirit on a wing and a prayer at the now famous Last Cookout. It was a purely sacrificial offering to cement my vow to “live outside and never sit down again.” I am a man of many vows and adjectives and sometimes I get carried away. The downside is that there is no fuel on hand to get the Quasitron up and running.

So Now, Let The Rambling Begin!
OK. Hmmm...typing monkeys, Shakespeare, what else? Well, there is always Bicycles.

Born A Ramblin' Man
My friend Gypsy ByTrade is meandering around Alaska and is apparently preparing to meander down here for a little dirt time. He has been posting some great stuff for anyone interested in the Wild World of Fat Tired Bikes as well as dispensing some wisdom and tech about How Ya Do It. This is a guy who has spent more time on a bicycle than off of one and knows his stuff.

His buddy Cass Gilbert at While Out Riding is currently in Ecuador and posting some very nice stuff that is definitely worth a look and will put a little foreign flavor in your day. I have always been fascinated by these cyclists who trek Out There, traveling light and doing some valid work letting the everyday people in Other Places know that not all Americans weigh 300 pounds and drive 40 ton four-wheel-drive behemoths in order to get to a McDonald's that they can see from their front porch. Somehow that is important and maybe if the Heads of States just stayed on the porch and let us commoners sort things out we could do it with a dance-off or a singing competition or a pie-eating contest instead of killing half the population.

I have seen some pretty wild stuff at drunken family reunions (remember, Granny Comstock was a Hatfield) and those church socials can get pretty rough but neither of these events require battleships or nuclear weaponry. Not yet, at least.

Jaquie Phelan is in Europe doing something; I can never quite tell what but I am confident that whatever it is, the girl is representing and making two wheels and our clan look good.

Let's see, what else...

If this doesn't pick up soon I may change my chair busting policy.

“Hush, Voice, I'm free-associating, letting my mind wonder about while I type in case a nugget pops out.”

Sounds scary.

How To Be A Senior
Lloyd Khan is wandering the streets of New York City, sending back brief reports and photos that will make you wish you were there. If I can be like Lloyd when I hit seventy-plus, I'll be glad to do it. I have been a fan and follower of his work for almost forty years now and he never disappoints. Go to his site when you want a little whimsy and delight. It only takes a minute and you will be glad you did.

I'll Bet You Wish I Had Some Wood Or Coal
This planet is, for now, our total reality. Our ventures into space thus far are the equivalent to sticking a toe in the water. We haven't really been to Space Its Ownself, outside the Solar System: we are like children at the age when Mom first lets us play around the corner, out of her sight. And of course, as soon as we venture around that corner we find ourselves in a strange new world. Even if we have been around that corner before, it is strange and new because we are seeing it on our own, with our own eyes and souls. How we conduct ourselves there is up to us, now; we are on our own and we gotta do it alone; Mom ain't there and it is up to us. For myself, I have always loved rounding that corner and while I have often reveled in my misanthropic worldview I am, (as I age and grow in wisdom and girth) I am finally realizing that it is this planet that makes up the goldfish bowl and this is it: it is just us and we better get good at it or all the typing Chimpanzees in any number of Infinite Universes will not be able to come up with a story that will get us out of the Truth once Mom comes looking to find out why we were late for dinner and if our Home-work has been done.

Trailer Park Disclaimer
I promise to lay in a new pile of wood and coal for the Quasitron 6000 and type better next time. Don't hold it against me, I am only one goldfish in a big, small bowl. I am riding my bicycle and I hope all of you, also, are doing the same. It counts, somehow.

O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!

How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,

That has such people in't.

Whispering Pines Trailer Park and Philosophy Phactory


  1. Yes, I think we were on the same page today. These lines from Planet of The Apes sums up why we win and don't need to fear the chimp.

    George Taylor: Doctor, I'd like to kiss you goodbye.
    Dr. Zira: All right, but you're so damned ugly.

    Keep em' spinnin' (and typin'). Yer pal

    1. Yeah and then Snob had Chimps on his site today also.

  2. TJ,
    If you think those monkeys don't have internet access, I'm guessing you ain't on Facebook. Or Twitter.

    Got my first century. Ride report coming out in a few days. Stay well my friend!

    1. I have a Facebook place but I haven't been there. Twitter I have no idea about. I know it involves tweeting, which is way better than twittering, but I don't do either. Not yet, anyway. In my quest to outshine both Snob and Fatty in the world of bikecycular blogging I have developed a plan to pace myself and wait for a miracle. Today's post wasn't it, but the best I could do at three AM. I look forward to your Century report. Remember, in order to create sustained interest it will need jokes, karate and gratuitous nudity. Good luck.

  3. TJ,

    I'm loving Lloyd's blog - thanks for the link. I've been a small house guy for a long time (have I mentioned I'm an architect?) and agree wholeheartedly with almost everything I've read there. Good stuff from a refreshing mind.

    Congrats on the century. Maybe one of these days I'll manage my first one!

    Steve Z

    1. No, Swamp, you never did mention that you are an architect. I myself am something of a lay architect, as in Art Vandelay.

      You should post up over at your site about your work. I would love to hear about it. Is Kenny going to follow you into the trade?

  4. Being a monkey on a keyboard, I can confirm that they (we) do indeed have access to the internet.

    1. We are all monkeys on keyboards these days. Flinging poo.


  5. Just by typing chimpanzees, Nevada desert and experiments all in the same sentence means the serious dudes in suits and black SUV's and guns will be visiting you soon and you will just disappear.

    Then what will we all read?

    Just stay out on your bike and they will never find you.

    1. I never thought about that, Jim. Thanks for the heads up!

      Next: TJC the TPC vs. the MIB.

      Epic-ness guaranteed.

  6. thanks for the comments friend. i am a bit hard to deal with, as you can imagine. it's nothing new to the group on DC, i think that this time around they just got sick of it and decided to end the arrangement we had. the guys fight with each other as well, so it's common for a lot of drama to be happening behind the scenes. this time it was them against me and gnome made the decision to pull the plug. that is after he spent 6 days with us acting like we were family and shit. anyways, thanks as always. xo.

  7. Well that sucks. I can't get a grip on the whole thing. I posted up on the deal over at Drunk Cyclist and seem to have killed the thread, or it is Saturday and they are all passed out.

    I don't like it. That it was Gnome who made the call is particularly galling. I'm glad I didn't send my hate-mail e-letters over to D2 and DB and BJ. Not yet, anyway.

    Whatever. I would wager that if you were racing the Divide this month it would be a different story entirely. In fact, those fuckers should hustle up some bucks and sponsor you as the DC entry and then we will hear a different song.

    When someone pisses you off, a Good Friend will try to calm you down.

    A Best Friend will be standing there with a shovel in his hand asking, "Do you think this hole is deep enough?"

    I got a shovel, girlfriend, and I got your back.


  8. yes, the best of friends always stand by you when you're at your worst. that is how i have to come to really know who my friends are, and gnome has shown his true colors. BJ, gnome and DB all came to the conclusion together to kick me out. it was gnome who pulled my admin log in as he is the one who does all the work behind the scenes...

    anyways, what's done is done. all i really want to know is...what the hell am i gonna do about socks? all my socks are from DC. :)

  9. Fill 'em full of monkey poo and send them back. I'm pretty sure you can get free stuff from all over the place just by asking. You are, after all, the Mighty Judi.

  10. I never know what the hell Jacquie's talking about either, but I keep reading. Actually, I never know what you're talking about, but I'm always laughing.

  11. Tim Joe,

    I've enjoyed your blog from the beginning, but whenever you go this long without a post I start to worry. Either you are too busy (which is both good and bad). Or some crazed lunatic drove you off the rode while you were out riding, which has caused injury to your typing fingers. Either way, keep 'em coming and I'll keep reading. Hopefully you can find the inspiration to blog more often because you write great stuff!

    Jason from Colorado