Monday, July 18, 2016

Nothing Good Can Come of This

Note from the TPC:  This post originated as a comment over at my friend Brian’s booger,
Mid Life In the Fast Lane  He was ruminating about the coming election, mentioning that in times of uncertainty we can always fall back on the comfort of the number 42 and also how it seems that Hillary Clinton seems to feel herself to be immune to the laws of the land.  

Did I Say That Out Loud?
Well, Brian, apparently Ms. Clinton actually IS above the rules.  After all, her husband was President 42...and didn't she murder somebody back in Arkansas?  I never did quite understand that Vince Foster story.  Never cared much, either.  I kind of like the idea of a president who is capable of murder, though.  Don't forget, when I was twelve I campaigned for Nixon.

"You won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore"

Somehow, to my jaded old-man vision, the inevitability of Clintonus Secundus seems further insured by the inability of the Republican Party to overcome the Trump Machine.  A big part of me (the conspiracy kook part) cannot help but wonder if the whole thing isn’t some huge set-up.

(Who's eye is that, anyway?")

But to what end?  One has to wonder where the third-party candidate is...the independent who marches triumphantly back from Tennessee into D.C. to claim his rightful crown, I mean throne, no, dangit, his Presidency stolen from him all those too many years ago, victimized by dangling chads and a questionable Supreme Court decision.

"Man, it's getting hot in here."

I have always thought the country (and the world) would today be a far better place if Mr. Gore had instead decided to settle things Tennessee-style, say a duel at ten paces with flintlock pistols.  That’s what Hillary would have done, I like to think.  But it didn’t happen and instead of the Environmentalist President, we got the Howdy Doody Mission Accomplished President.

I...never mind

Sadly, in hindsight, I think we got what we deserved.  And I think Ol’ Man Trump will get what he deserves if he thinks he can beat the Establishment.  He made it this far, sure, but don’t expect to see him at the finish line.  He started out doing his rich buffoon routine, then, to our (and to his, I believe) astonishment, it kept going. It got out of control.  The pundits started taking him seriously (a little)  He’s getting the nomination in Cleveland.  (By the way: Cleveland?)  But he’s a crafty old weasel and he knows he will be in one hell of a bad position were he to win the Game of Thrones.  There is no way he can accomplish a tenth of the things he has promised;  in fact his whole campaign has been a Tea-Party danse macabre that cannot end well for the prima donna.  He’ll find a way out that makes him look like a winner and victim at the same time.
"I'll sue every man, woman and child in this country.  It's going to be huge!"

Many years ago, while I was ruling the roost of high-rise condominium carpenters in Tampa Bay, the Big Man came to town to build a 50 story tower.  We were all agog at the chance to be a part of the magnificent proceedings.  He bought an entire city block with a wave of his hand and within days had the existing buildings demolished and hauled away.  He put out bids for model centers.  We all wanted in but at the point of bidding, it was discovered that condition #1 was that the models had to be installed at the bidder’s expense.  That was a sizeable amount of money, far more than I could ever afford.  I called my mentor, a millionaire many times over.

“I can’t hack it, boss, but if you will cover the materials and permitting, I can provide the labor at my expense.”  Looking back, I probably sounded like a crack-head desperate for a fix.

“Don’t be stupid, Tim Joe.  We don’t want anything to do with that project.”

“But boss!  It’s Trump!”

“That’s right, T.J.  And try to find one person who has ever been glad they did business with him.  That guy screws every single person and institution he gets in bed with.  I have no reason to stand in line to be screwed, and neither do you.  Besides, we have other business to consider.”
Standing in line for you-know-what

He was right.  The only payment the owners of that Downtown Tampa city block ever saw by way of payment was that initial wave of the hand.  The model centers never quite got finished.  Nobody involved saw any profit, in fact the whole mess ended badly and if you look, there is no 50 story Trump Tower in Tampa.  And The Donald sued everybody involved.

So:  an Evil Jester who would be King, or the Dark Sorceress, stepping forth from the shadow of the Throne to claim the Crown?

Either way, it looks to me that what we have to look forward to at the polls this time around is an opportunity to stand in line to get screwed.  And we really do have other business to consider.

The answer?  An American Hero.  A true independent who comes out of nowhere, captures the popular vote and slays these monsters.  A hero who marches up the steps of Congress and kicks some old fart ass.  Where is this superstar?  I don’t know.  But look into your hearts, my friends.  This is the Age of Social Media.  This is the Time of You Tube.  Where Is Our Hero?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Sigh.  I’m getting too old for this nonsense.
Yr buddy,


  1. Ending with "He who must not be named" -well played sir. BTW I think your mentor summed it up for "merica with "try to find one person who has ever been glad they did business with him." Just ask Atlantic City... I'm just sad my alternative is the Corporate Queen...sigh.

    1. That was a very real conversation, Ryan. And evidence of why my mentor is rich and I am not. Like you, I find it a miserable situation where (apparently) most of America is facing an election with two bad choices. At least with Hillary it will be (big) business as usual, whereas were Trump to win it will signal the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse. Seriously. Within six months of his election I predict zombie sightings will begin. I further predict that on the day of his taking oath there will be a run on axes and shotguns. Remember you heard it here first.

    2. Good thing I have a what is effectively a ZAB - Zombie Apocalypse bike just need to rig up some holsters for those aforementioned Axes and Shotguns .....

    3. Get in touch with Carradice. But let me warn ya, Handsome Devil might be a Zombie-attractor, Judicial use of duct tape...

  2. TJ you've captured it brilliantly, as always! (Tied it back to the Ultimate Doper, no less.) Thanks for the shout out and, more importantly, thanks for expanding your comment into this instead.

    1. I really liked that photo of Lance in front of the flag. Yeah, Brian, the comment started going long so I switched it over. As I typed it I found myself seriously yearning for the voice of the Bard, ol' Hunter S. He would surely have had some fun with this mess this election cycle.

  3. Yay....TJ is back! Welcome sir! I have to chuckle at this entire 'election' thinggee...never before in my voting-life have I had SUCH a "lesser of 2 evils" choice to make. But hey...there's always the Libertarians! I have to think that they've never had such a good shot at a big voter turnout...if even 10% of both major parties are disenchanted enough to vote for the Lib party, WOW! And if that goes up to around 15% of both parties, and assuming the other portions of both major parties vote along party lines, we'd nearly have a 3-way tie! Wouldn't THAT be something! However, I have to believe in my jaded view that the Dems and Repubs (who are further apart than EVER) would quickly find common ground and band together if they even thought for a moment a 3rd party had a shot at the big office. Just total madness. And we've got MONTHS more to endure. Urgh...

    And speaking of "he who shall not be named" (who ran the largest and most sophisticated doping ring in sporting history according to USADA) bout those pesky Russians and their STATE SPONSORED DOPING program? Kinda brings us back to the days of the East German program (remember the Unibrow women who could beat up pretty much any guy on the planet?) Boy oh boy are we swirling down the drain, picking up speed as we go. It's a wild ride for sure...hang on to your hats!

    1. Thanks, Matt. Reading your comment I found myself wondering why we even HAVE a two party system. Why not three? Five? Indeed, where are the Greens, the Independents, the Libertarians...all oddly quiet. Did Ralph Nader die?

      For that matter, where are all my readers? I guess this is what I get for posting only twice a year. But I don't care. You three dudes are the hard-core members of the Original Crew. Swamp-boy will pop up sooner or later, I am sure. I miss Dee in Oz, and Jonathan and that Colorado dude...Jason...oh, and that other Colorado dude, Coach Jim...

      I gotta work on this.

    2. Oh, and yeah, vis a vis the ruskies...WTF? I mean really, this Putin dude is way the hell out and back. George W. on steroids and a billionare? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Well, I'll tell ya: it's like that episode of Back To The Future where Biff is mayor and running the town and Marty's mom is a crack whore...all yer worst dreams come true...but happening in real time and on a global scale.

      Who knew? I saw all this coming back when the Bush family bought the election all these many years ago but the Putin thing came out of left field. Putin? Really? Good Lord.

      Ultimately these punk ass bitches fall down under their own steam. I hope. And will some kind-hearted veterinarian somewhere put George W out of his pain? He was embarrassing enough during his eight years of doofusofcity but these days he is a true national source of shame. god dammit. got myself worked up.

      Hunter is gone but we still have P.J. O'Rourke. And he is a Republican but not a very good one, thank god.

      Rambling in me cups late at night. Whatever. Still, even in my dotage, red, white and blue.

      Old Man Tim

    3. I've heard plenty about Stein and Johnson and their respective parties, but I do every four years. Lots of friends and family who are stubborn third-party voters, if only for the principle of the thing. Also, Bernie may have run as a D, but in my heart, he'll always be third party.

      (Oh, hi, Mr. Comstock. Fatty's page led me to your booger a few months ago and I read the whole thing, back to front. Like your style. Although I also like your thoughts on politics, here's hoping you continue the themes of cycling and stories from your past life and fiction. In that order. God knows we need sane voices this election season, but She also knows we can't handle much more politics, especially not in the sacred temples of the bike.)

      (I hope it's not too presumptuous for this newcomer to comment on the direction of your content. I really like your writing, and will read the political stuff too.)

    4. Hey Unknown, thanks for the kind words. Fatty gave me my start and sadly, sometimes I feel that I have let him down in some way. But did I understand you correctly? You read the whole TPC from start to finish? What an honor!

      We are a kind of family here at the Park and I hope you will join us. It's all fun and games, mostly, but sometimes I gotta relieve some particular stress with my writing (typing) and that's when it shines, I like to think.

      I once said there was no trouble I couldn't write my way out of and that remains true. And having a new reader is a special kind of keeps me going, it does. Thanks for that.


      p.s. I also am in on the secret gender of God. "Papa" is never the first word a baby speaks.

    5. Yup, all of it. Thanks for the kind welcome :)
      I'll have to figure out how to change my name to something other than "Unknown."

    6. I've a name now!
      And it's almost over!

  4. God dammit!!! This stupid work thing keeps me off the blog rolls spending my valuable time. The election year process is a chore of my own perseverance to keep myself above the name calling and slop that can swirl me down the drain. I really would like to firmly place my head in the sand and pop out on election day to view the results. I have determined that nothing I say or do will sway anybody's vote and visa-versa. So, I will not contribute to the FB madness that is really starting to crank up. Who knows what to believe anyway on what you see or read. Is it made up?? Is it real??
    I am going to trust my own eyes on things I actually witness, Hey! I have a kid who grew this summer and can dunk a basketball (I've seen it!!)A big deal for our little school. And, last I checked he is not a zombie.

  5. Not to be cynical, but, in this day and age can a true independent hero arrive on the scene and govern us united into the future??
    I think about the Gore Presidency a lot. How would our country and situation be today if we had not let the Bush camp with the Florida Sec of State steal that election away. Maybe the rich dudes would not be so damn rich and regular people would have more of a say....or....would it have turned out just more of the same??? Probably at least 6000 or so service men and women would not have died to make Dick head Cheney richer.
    I'll step off the bus now

  6. Listen, Coach, a non-zombie kid with a slam-dunk is about all one can ask for in this day and age. And yeah, an intelligent gentleman from Tennessee might have led us into an entirely different future/present than the ugly mess we were handed out of Texas by way of Yale.

    Here is my personal grief: While it is easy to shoot off my big mouth about how screwed up things are, I feel I really should be out on a street corner somewhere screaming at the top of my lungs and throwing rocks. But at who? Besides, it would be easier to just take a nap.

    At least I'm a white guy. I got that goin' for me. Try to be a black dude standing on a corner and screaming and throwing rocks. See how that works out for ya...

    And, sitting here with a solid view of the past and a pretty sure vision of what the future holds, I can only say with sadness that I am glad that I am an old man and I won't have to think about it much more.

    But I have a little one year old granddaughter. She stomps around on her stumpy little legs and I don't know what she is saying, but she says it like she means it. If she is half as ornery and tough and clear-sighted as her mother, my beloved and determined twenty-one year old waitress/student step-daughter, then everything will be alright. We are, after all, Americans. We somehow come through when they least expect it.

    Yeah. Everything will be alright. I promise, Coach. Just work on a winning season and let us lowlifes down here at the Park do the heavy lifting. All down through the corridors of history, it has been the peasants who got it all sorted out when push came to shove and not one damn thing has changed.

    When things get bad enough we will be there. Count on it.


  7. Nice rif: fun post. Over a hundred days to go. We're gonna have to pace ourselves on this one...

  8. Nice rif: fun post. Over a hundred days to go. We're gonna have to pace ourselves on this one...

  9. You're back? Where have I been?

    1. Indeed, Lad, where have you been? I suspect there has been an upheaval in your reality and I wonder about that. Going to your page now...right now.


  10. I remembered that you had posted this a while back and now that the big oranged-haired empty suit will be the President I wanted to revisit.
    I am actually a bit at a loss for words. I guess I will continue to do my thing, sell some sticks and right now basketball started up so I will be distracted by the stupid shit coming from the White House. Hope that where ever you are toiling you find a little two wheel time.
    Peace my friend.

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