Monday, May 15, 2017

Come Monday

Who Knows? Soylent Green Might Be the Answer
Here we go now. Once again, a couple weeks ago I quit my job and dragged my ass back home. Even though I live in the crappiest trailer park in Florida, it is MY trailer park and the squirrels really missed me. Not due to my charming personality, but because of the raw peanuts in the shell that I get from the Winn Dixie. Even as I type here at a sublime sundown, they gather outside the door screaming out their demand for more peanuts, but I ran out of peanuts at the noon feeding and I really don't feel good about this. I'm too drunk to drive and that means I am WAY too drunk to ride my bicycle. But these are some scary squirrels. M. Night Shyamalan (an obviously made up name) could really do something with this scene.

But on a groovier, more better Audubon note, there are two birds who have joined the fray. I think they are Steller's Jays but one looks like what we would call a red cardinal and the other one is the same thing but blue. Just beautiful birds but also pretty pissed about the lack of sundown peanuts. Birds are, after all, the last living relatives of the dinosaurs. I honestly don't know how I get into these jams.

Gathering of the Gloom
Listen: I spend a whole lot of time on the road, chewing on rolaids and and battling motel maids, as some poet once said. Plus there are prostitutes (the friendliest appellation I can apply to what they really are) and I have a disturbing habit of, when in my cups, as we say, engaging them and getting into grandfatherly conversations. Thirty years ago I wasn't a Grandpa but now I am and so I often find myself giving them money just to go away. I got a better deal thirty years ago.

And Yet...
All of my bicycles are done. Built and ready. And the money I give those lost girls ain't peanuts, but, having known the freedom and pain of having nothing, I like to hand out a little surprise once in awhile. The other day, just before I realized I was losing my mind and it was time to head out fast for the home fires, I went to the ATM and got out five twenty dollar bills. I roamed the neighborhood of the motel I was at in Sarasota, handing them out. You would think I had cured cancer, or brought back a dead relative when you saw the expressions that rewarded my gift of a lousy twenty dollar bill. I can't recommend it enough. I know my readers and I know that every one of you can afford to take out a hundred dollars every other month and hand out five random twenty dollar bills.

I don't make a ceremony of it. I just hand them the twenty and get away as fast as possible. But I almost always hear “God Bless You Sir!” as I pedal or stride or drive away. I hope that Fucker is listening. He better be, if he wants to get a twenty when we finally bump into each other.

It Helps If You Are Crazy
Feel the darkness dwelling in my soul? I am sorry for that. I have been home almost three weeks and the treasury is seriously depleted. I gotta go back out there. All three bicycles are built and I have not, in three weeks, pedaled a dozen miles. OK, maybe fifty. This bodes not well for the Trailer Park Cyclist.

But what of that? All three bicycles are built and ready. Little Miss Dangerous is ready to go. So whatever else happens, I at least have my righteous steed, hand built by me my ownself and with that knowledge I know it will all work out.

Plus, there is still enough daylight to pedal to the Winn Dixie for another pound of peanuts, and maybe a little rum. Hell Yeah.

Whispering Pines Trailer Park and Animal House
Mid May 2017


  1. Bless you sir indeed! a new Post! Great to hear your voice again but of course the public is never satisfied, like an angry squirrel demanding nuts I want Pictures!!! Three bikes done and no Pictures!! C'mon brother show us the love ;-). Yeah I know we readers are PIA

  2. yeah I know. I was going to make this one of my illustrated posts but i am honestly too drunk and lazy to take pictures. This is why I always enjoy our collaborations. But maybe I will try again. Ya gotta see these birds., Meanwhile, I just heard the motorcycle of my Outlaw buddy Dirty Phil pull up and so now I got that to deal with. Its all very tiring, to tell the truth.

    1. Well I'd be happy to post them but you still gotta take'em ;-) most camera phones, what I use, these days have auto focus which might help the Rum hands ;-)

  3. You have no idea. Is it tomorrow? This ain't good. Looks like it is just you and me again, Roadie. Well, what the hell. That's good enough for me.

  4. Good to hear from you TJ. I get a bit worried about you between posts.

  5. TJC-

    Welcome back to the intewebs and thank you for another timely addition of the TPC. Always insightful and entertaining.

    I am one of your readers and I can afford to depart with 5 Jackson's now and the reminder that a simple act of generosity can make the day of someone a little less fortunate is welcome.

    Got the bike and BOB packed up for a Memorial Day weekend adventure that has me wondering if a strong constitution can suffice for lack of fitness. We'll see!



  6. Hey Matt...The beauty of bicycles is they will carry you through anything, fitness be damned. I am half dead and did a fairly painless 24 miles Sunday, including a pretty stiff headwind for about ten miles of it. have always wanted a BOB. I followed a couple named Gray (CGOAB) who both pulled BOBs across the country more than once. Also Brian Becker, who rode over five thousand miles in one outing (including the Divide) with a BOB. Have you posted about your BOB rides? Let us know.

    1. Funny you mention Brian Becker because I have been reading his journal on his latest tour. I found it because I was searching through CGOAB for journals for GAP/C&O trips. Week and a half here to go and I'll be on my ride down that iconic bit of US History. Good post tj, glad you are contemplating life again whether in your cups or not. You were always my anti-hero for telling the working world and "the man" pffffttt. I am a bit nervous about my role in this world and if I have become "the man". Jesus.....what a legacy to live down.. A week on my bike and in my tent sleeping on the ground will tamper those thoughts down a bit.
      Be well my friend

    2. Man the stagnation of my beloved blog is an incredible source of guilt for me these days. Coach, I just a moment ago left you a note over at Brian's journal. I had no idea he was up and running again until last night, when I decided it was time to go ahead and kill myself or take a bicycle tour.

      I have always, since the age of five, pulled a trailer.

      Wait. This is a post. I'm gonna write this up...

  7. Boy am I late for the party (as usual)! Been on a bit of 'work travel' myself, not keeping up with the world at all while I was gone (going from days to nights to days to nights to days does that to you...find myself working, eating and sleeping for some odd reason). Glad to hear you're still kicking TJ, and quite honestly, if M Night ever does your squirrels n birds horror show, mabye he'll give you the cameo...I was chuckling out loud at your predicament! (WE WANT MORE PEANUTS! DON'T MAKE US COME IN THERE!)

    And now I'm back on travel again (no rest for the weary), tho this one is personal (taking care of my Mom who is going thru chemo). She's doing pretty good...tough lady for sure. I hope one day when my chips are down I can be as resilient. Just gets tired a lot...but with all that poison running thru her system, I can't imagine functioning at all. Anyway, it's good to have you back TJ! Sounds like Little Miss Dangerous is calling your name! Maybe it's time to go out and make some breeze, even if it's only 24 miles (when you get down to it, that's really a long ways!)

    1. Matt my brother this is the first time I have visited my own blog in a month or more. I think. Being home all the time lately has been a great but inebriated experience and I am...hell, I don't know what I am. A bad example, maybe. Back in the day, some 55 years ago, I was the kid who all the neighborhood moms didn't want their kids to hang around with.

      The world has no shortage of pain to hand out but you, my friend, (like most of my readers) have nothing to worry about. The present is always hectic and fleeting but as we age we find time to look back and consider how we conducted ourselves in these moments of challenge. You will be fine.

      It must have something to do with bicycles and hours alone in the saddle. Yeah. That's it.

      Do you ever go to SLO?